idk

hi !!! it's me !! idk whos been blogging , i assume its vivia based on the emojis used but so many posts omg . im currently doing chem revision and i paused for like 3 mins trying to visualise a burette and pipette in my head help me pls , idk but im also streaming concerts bc why not ;-; anyways today I saw a straits times articles about something the president and it sent me on a very pissy rant i think i made like five tweets because i was very angry , what do they mean "students should speak on issues more" ... you don't listen to us ???? okay im not going to get angry at that all over again at least the ratio is kind of funny lmaoooo . i think it's been a healthier decision for me NOT to get off twitter ( not that its a good app in any way shape or form ) but at least i have a ranting space instead of idk spilling too much to my friends or this blog . im not sure but i think this has been the least mental breakdown-y exam i have ever take ... thumbs up ig .

anyways my conclusion is that our squad is the only one to not go on a indefinite hiatus bc of myes or exams ,,, we're more active than normally what ... also my condo's facilities are finally open 4 use w/o prior booking so u can bet that im going to hog the bbq pit bc why not the wind there is so nice < 3 also chinese p2 was BAD im going to FAIL i h8 this >:( i refuse to elaborate any more but i think im going to end up with 1/10 for the first section . sigh 

im like sad ?? but not really ? i feel like things have been going wrong .. but i have no solution to it also i went to church today for some reason and it made me ??? idk sad .... like i uhm am not that religious ? but i feel kind of bad .. bc i have been slowly slacking off a lot like over the years and im kind of disappointed in myself , like ive stopped giving offering and stuff which i rationalize in my brain as "idk where the funds are going to and i dont want to accidentally support something bad" ( ex. c********* t****** ) but at the same time i could .... be doing better ? idk lol i dont intentionally do so but i rly end up skipping church a lot either bc i get anxious around people ( which means i GO to church but i end up hiding in the toilet for about 2 to 3 hours i am not kidding my anxiety is paralyzing sometimes ) or because i try to prioritise my studying . even today i left early bc i was just about to cry at having to sit in a diff row from everyone else bc i was a few minutes late idk why im saying this on here except i rly h8 going to places with people i dont rly know it crazy stresses me out hahaha .

I HONESTLY DK ANYMORE IM JUST SAYING RUBBISH also i feel like my mye results are going to be a disappointment bc when we did the practices my history essay ended up as the model essay and my english kena passed around the class , it sounds so show offy but im stressed that i wont live up to the expectations , because ... i don't know . im just not that good ?? and it shows less bc in sec sch my grades have been dropping but esp in primary sch its always "you have to do better than so and so" "why didn't you get an award this yr" blah blah and its nice to receive attention but its also ... stressful , my mum still wont shush about how she wished i had choses rgs over cedar ... idk !! im in the sch of MY choice but frankly im starting to h8 my own decision bc im taking a subj combi i hate and idk i dont even want to go to vj lol . 

sorry for the sad post im going to do chem and lit now bye bye luv y'all