i am on the verge of dying but i wont because i still have unfulfilled wishes such as going for Parade (wow would u look at that my completely terrible at typing and grammatically incorrect when informal self still went to capitalise that yes weewoo) but man i js wanna go back to cca. like ukno i like that pressure and relief cycle??? like i js have to do what i have to do and things will go well,, and even if they dont, theres a next chance to redeem myself/that whole thingy LIKE IDK IF ANYONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT IM TALKING AB BUT I JS MISS PARADE YES DONE WHEW
also i wanna go skate at like 3am or smth and like idk go look at the sky at the end of the day satisfied w everything and js happy smiles no worries (i sound like an old man) oh the old man thing reminds me,,, tdy my friend said i walked like an old man???? in lower sec ppl used to say i walk like a gangster which is also??? man can i jsut walk like a normal person
i have bio and math tmr but today has literally ripped the soul out of me and i have no more motivation bc i know im gonna do terrible like i js wanna hug my teddy and sleep until everything settles down to good stuff gosh
i am really losing it but my mom said attend online or watching recording for my tuition tdy bc i have bio and math tmr but the tuition is chem so it would only drain me or waste my time or smth,, like i get what she means and yups i can definitely use that time for revision and save brain energy but chem is rlly like a comfort subj
also ive been thinking and i realised i literally dont know what to do in life,,, no i am not having an existential crisis but like maybe i am having a teeny tiny bit of it,,, i shud rlly go and bio but like sigh learning bio is one thing, studying+memorising for exams is another. i rlly rlly have no complaints against my subj combi but man sometimes i js feel so stupid (fun fact: i am)
today i got to hug billy bonkers and rachel!!! and nylon patted my headddddd hehehe
i feel so unprepared for bio like even tho i studied everything i feel like i didnt study deep enough or like memo word for word or something but i dont know god
7 more days and we will be through yes (except csp and msp ppl but its ok!!! 7.5 days for yall jiayou)
i want to become a tree (i am not nat)
maybe i js wanna be a dustbin
keeping the world clean and all
idk im so tired
bfr myes i was alw like bleh wake up go sch come back do hw and other workies and sleep (basically no life) but i was alw so tired like no matter what
but now during myes im not THAT tired im js sick of stuff and questioning every little inconvenience i face? but yups i still dh a life but bleh
"dh" remind me that we didnt have any diff/binomial questions tdy so theyre gonna throw that at us tmr
but then senna said they didnt test that deep in trigo too so that means 👍👍👍
but smth cool is that the moment the myes week was about to start is that i lost my drive/desire to play game?? idk if it was bc i had a huge breakdown/confusion/crisis in my head and really really started falling back into year 2 end mood but HEY I DIDNT (i hope i dont bc i absolutely hate it and i wouldnt want that on anyone)
rmb a few weeks ago i said i wanna be bartender? see the interest was gone some time back and i didnt even realise it going away bc i suddenly got interested in another thing but i know everything is gonna keep changing,,, but im still tiny bit interested to like js know some basics and maybe like in the future i can like mix drinks for people? like not js alcohol ofc bc not everyone drinks alcohol (im not encouraging drinking here okay im js talking ab my appreciation for blending different sipsips tgt to make sipsips with unique tastes) by sipsip i meant drinks but its js a more generic term in this case bc its not limited to alcohol its all kind of stuff like juices too idk
ill go do bio now and be back after revising this lil chapter that troubles my lil braincells
but gosh i know im gonna do terribly for bio im not gonna have any expectations bc god im struggling to barely even function,,, but ill hold myself from drinking coffee or else it will do bad things to me and make me all sad and even more unable to function,,,
ill allow myself to drink coffee tmr if i rlly rlly feel like i need it but ill try not to until myes end bc if it gives me a bad mood there is a possibility that it would last for 3-5 days if its real bad and thats a lot of time and idw to risk it
man i miss the times when i literally had a coffee cabinet in my room with my favourite mugs and favourite beans and ill js make coffee whenever im bored and ill make for everyone else too and whenever my mom walked in she would go Why Does It Smell Like Coffee In Your Room All The Time? and i used to like drink coffee in the middle of the night and stuff (very unhealthy dont do this guys) but i would just sleep afterwards
i realised all my posts recently are really really oversharing and leaking lots and lots of personal info which is generally not what i do and i hate it but the fact that i typed sm makes me not want to delete it???
anyways since i talked sm alr i wont come back after bio ill js come back tmr after a possible breakdown over how terribly i did for math and bio,, but then again maybe i wont have a breakdown bc i am very stable after all (yes im a thermally stable compound!!! i dont decompose upon heating!!!)
i will not sign off bc gosh theres js too much info ab me
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